People have been asking why I am so bitter, and telling me to “forget about it and move on”. I am “bitter” for a number of reasons… First of all, this is
my very first time, in over 20 years of working full-time for a living, being let go from a job. In the past, I have left jobs at my own choosing, either because something better came along, or because I was relocating etc. The crushing blow that being “let go” can have on a person’s ego and self-esteem often too minimized, in my opinion. In spite of knowing that it had nothing to do with my performance, especially being one of 30 people to be let go at the same time, once can’t help look at the situation and wonder “Why me?” Again, I ask the patience of those who can remember what their “
first downsize” felt like.
The second reason I am bitter is because of all I have discovered
since being let go. I have always been an honest and upfront person. I wear my heart on my sleeve, which has made me realize that I may not be cut out for the cutthroat nature of some corporate workplaces. Call me naïve, but I truly believed that the Former Company was an “honest workplace” that genuinely cared about its employees as well as the business. Clearly I was wrong to that end. The more I learn about the nature of some of the key “players”, the more disrespect I have for them and the Former Company.
I will readily admit that I have trust issues. After years of having my trust abused by a now ex-husband, a spouse who one would expect they could put all of their trust in, I will admit to being somewhat jaded. I have been stomped on in the worst way possible by dishonesty. Any form of dishonesty leaves a very sour taste in my mouth. Perhaps that is why I am taking so much so personally, when I know, on a rational level, that this whole situation in no way reflects on me…who I am, or my skill set. And the bitter taste of having been in the middle of so much dishonesty and greed is what has motivated the spate of anger I have been dealing with.
The other thing people who know me know about me is that I need to vent. Keeping things pent up inside only burns a hole that can’t mend. I learned that the hard way too. Although others may overtly speak about this mess far less, or seem to be less “obsessive” about the layoff in general, it’s not in my nature to keep it all bottled up. The whole point of this “blogger”, for me, was to have somewhere to vent. And the joy of venting into the ether is that if anyone wants to read it, it’s there. If someone does not want to hear about it, they need not stay. It helps to know I am not “burdening” any one individual with this particular challenge in my life. Rather, I am venting to a blank screen, and saving my friends and family the onerous chore of listening to me “whine” incessantly.
I speak from the heart and shoot from the hip. More often than not, it works in my favour when people see that “I am what I am”. In other cases, it opens the door to prospective predators to abuse the trust that I so seemingly naively put in them. C’est la vie. I believe that there is a place on this Earth for people like me. And if I can’t learn to “play the game” of the corporate world, then so be it. I am likely better suited to a smaller, more sedate environment that is not rife with “players”, but rather full of honest souls who relish a hard work ethic and are still able to let their hair down at the right time and in the right place, and smile at the end of their day content with their job well done.
And so, as far as my bitterness is concerned, it’s almost all gone, thanks to the opportunity to vent that I found for myself. It will be absolutely gone and forgotten the day that I get what’s owed to me, and my former colleagues, in the form of remuneration from the Former Company. Will I wish them well, the owners and Directors of the Former Company? Likely not. But I
will graciously walk away with my head held high and my dignity and integrity firmly intact. Will I trust again? Probably. It’s part of who I am. And I rather like me, thank you very much!
I found this today, in catching up on some old email. It is definitely timely and worth sharing...
The $20 Lesson for all of us who have doubts.
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"
Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this."
He proceeded to crumple the bill up. He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.
Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value: dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by who we are. You are special - Don't ever forget it."
Count Your Blessings, not your problems.
An excellent perspective on where my head is going to...
Week three PD. Where does the time go?
Believe it or not, I am less angry than I was. I am
slowly entering the acceptance mode. What I would really like at this point is to finish tying the “loose ends” by getting the money that is owed to me and getting out. I mean really out. I want to shake any association with the Former Company, but until that last pay is doled out, I won’t be able to do that.
I went to get the personal cheque that was cut to pay for my expenses yesterday. I took it right to the bank where the cheque originated from, which happens to be the same bank I deal with. Given the Former Company’s dire financial straits, and the fact that it was not the usual direct deposit, I wanted to make sure the cheque would clear. It did not. Back I marched to the Former Company. After a few frantic phone calls by the frantic and WAY overworked Financial Specialist, arrangements were made for me to go in and get the cheque cashed and deposited. It did nothing to encourage my confidence that I will ever see the termination and vacation pay owed to me.
While I was there, I noticed that the “Alpha CTO and President” had a brand, spanking, shiny new Grand Prix. How nice for him. What timing, too. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but if I was expressing real concern for the dire financial straits that my company was in, and truly concerned about my employees, I don’t think I’d have chosen this particular time in the grand scheme of things to update my car.
There were also calls about present employees concerned that raises they were promised were not reflected on this paycheque. Raises? A company that downsized 30 employees can afford to dole out raises? Don’t get me wrong here. The people who were promised the raises deserve them and then some for all that they put up with and how overworked they are. But it astounds me that in a time of such clearly dire financial concerns, people would still expect those promises to be fulfilled. I was especially amused by the Director who wanted to know why his commissions were not reflected on his paycheque.
We semi-watched the West Wing last night. I caught a part of a storyline that was about a tech-type company who was floundering. I believe the President’s concern was for how many innocent people would lose their jobs if this particular company threatened to go under. The company owner promised the President that he and his directors would cut their paycheques in half before they would cut a single job. In an ideal world, every CEO would be that compassionate and carry that kind of genuine concern for the people who work so hard to make his company a success.
Greed is something else indeed.
