Rather than wallow in self-pity, I feel that if I share my feelings and the inevitable challenges that one faces through a "downsize", it will be therapeutic for me, and perhaps even helpful to others going through a similar experience.
Emails are still flying back and forth from fellow layoffees about the monies owing those of us who were let go. Initial word was that the Former Company was expecting the Venture Capital money to be in the bank last Monday, which would have indicated that we would be paid out through the week, either directly, or through the Ministry of Labour channels. Latest rumours hold that the money was not, in fact, put in the bank. Interesting…
Something was brought to my attention through the course of this week. I had been suggesting that the Former Company is, in fact, a different company now that they are under new management. As such, who says that the new management feels any compulsion to pay out people who were let go before they assumed management? I hadn’t thought of it in that manner before, but I suppose it’s true. I will grant you that there are such institutions as Labour boards that oversee the “rights” of employees in a workplace, and the Former Company is clearly in violation of the law with regard to paying out monies owing to people who were let go. However, can the new management/ownership fend off that system of accountability by virtue of the fact that the company is under different ownership, and the dollars being fed into the coffers are not the monies of the Former Company? Food for thought, but the kind of food that turns my stomach.
Off to spend an evening with a friend in Toronto who we haven’t seen since last summer. I am really looking forward to seeing her, as she is a person who has always put a smile on my face, no matter how sorry I was ever feeling for myself. She’s a friend I met online years ago, and is now living closer to us than she had in the past. We have been through many ups and downs together over the years, and as I said, her rays of sunshine always brightened my moods!
It’s been a terrific week so far, and a busy one, as you can well imagine. The new job is wonderful so far. The people that I work with are fun, smiling and happy types, which is so important in any work environment. The environment is generally relaxed and casual in terms of dress and comings and goings. I was off to a slow start, as the IT Department didn’t get my “new hire” information until the eleventh hour, given how quick the hiring process was in my case. I didn’t get all of the necessary technology until a few days into the job, and as of yesterday I have a phone extension, so I am starting to feel as though I belong.
I spent an hour and a half yesterday with our department’s Technical Advisor, getting a briefing on all of the products that the company manufactures and how the technology works. He was so in awe of the fact that I “got it” and soaked it in like a sponge. I have a networking and now a security background behind me, so I am beginning to qualify as an “über geek” in some areas. The technology that this company deals in is a new one for me, so there is a lot to learn. Slowly but surely, after a week, the acronyms are beginning to make sense and I am thoroughly fascinated as I learn more and more. And the more I learn about the technology the easier the writing will be.
I had lunch yesterday with the former HR Manager of the Former Company. She also works at this company, and we had a delightful hour-long visit. It was so nice to meet with her on “level” ground, where she could let her hair down and relax on a peer-to-peer level. I always enjoyed her company, but at the Former Company, by the nature of her role, she was forced to keep a certain professional distance, as it were. We shared some interesting conversation and it was good to hear some of her observations on everything that happened at the Former Company. It was comforting to feel that we were all in the same boat, those who were laid off and those who left of their own accord. Of course, given the nature of her role, she was far more privy to some of the ghorry details than the rest of us, but I understand now that she was equally as disgusted at some of the business practices she was witness to.
She asked about all of the fellow layoffees that I had kept in touch with. She was thrilled to hear that one by one we were becoming gainfully reemployed. She was disappointed to hear that some of the layoffees were still in “search mode”, and we both have fingers crossed for our colleagues. I mentioned that I hadn’t heard from any of the group since I began working this week, and she reminded me that I am no longer unemployed, therefore I don’t quite qualify as “one of them” anymore. I hope they appreciate that in spite of finding employment; I will always be “one of them”. We shared an experience that I hope none of us will have to relive anytime in the future, and my heart is big enough to hold a space for each and every one of them.
When asking for a "good luck on my first day of work" from the Morning Man whose show I appear on as the "Internet Security Specialist", his response to me was "Hey - you don't need any of that! Good, smart, motivated people are very hard to find. [The company] just found one of the best. They're the ones who should be thankful! Have a wonderful first day." What a lovely way to start my first day of work at a new job!
I also woke up to a beautiful note on the kitchen table from the teenage daughter. She wished me a successful first day, and suggested that although she will miss me being at home, she knows how important this is for all three of us, and how difficult the last couple of months post-Downsize have been for me. She also thanked me for all I have done for her in the time I was at home. It is definitely nice to feel appreciated.
I hope everyone else has as good a day as I will have. I am excited, and can't wait to start!
I am lucky. I have a biological Dad, a Father-in-Law and an ex-Father-in-Law to call “Dad”. There have also been innumerable friends of my family who I grew up jokingly referring to as “My other Dad”. All of these “Dads” of mine have offered unconditional support and love throughout my life. I have more “Dads” than I can count, and I recognize that that puts me in a unique situation.
Today is a bittersweet day. While I am privileged to have my own Dad and so many others whom I can refer to as “Dad”, there are many people whose Dads are no longer here, for whatever reason. My daughter has a Step-Dad, who she has come to love and look up to. My hubby is everything a “real” Dad could be to a daughter. He loves her unconditionally. He speaks of having married “us”, not “me”. He guides her gently but with his firm convictions. He supports her in everyway that a “real” Dad would want to support his daughter. He expresses his genuine pride in her accomplishments regularly. He shares a wonderful set of values with her as well sharing her Mommy. He banters with her and she has come to inherit his acknowledged bizarre sense of humour. She calls him mostly by his first name, unless they are in a particularly playful mood, in which case the “Step-Pappy” nomenclature comes into play. (“Step-Pappy” evolved as a result of her mocking his “southern” accent, being that he is a Floridian.) A week ago she asked me to take her to the mall to shop together for his Father’s Day gift. She has expressed to more than one card storeowner her displeasure at the fact that there are so few “Stepfather” cards to choose from. By all accounts, she recognizes him as “Dad”.
But I can’t help but sense that Father’s Day is not an easy day for her. Her real father has become nothing more than a “deadbeat dad”, and is nowhere to be found. When she awakes this morning, will he be on her mind? Will her memories of him in better days sustain her through the day? Will she be hurting somewhere deep inside, and will that hurt someday rear its ugly head in an unpleasant manner? On days like today, I watch her closely. I try to be aware of and sensitive to her moods. And I hope against hope that she is not hurting because a Dad with whom she once shared a special, close relationship has vanished without a word.
More than anything though, I hope she recognizes and thrives on the blessings in her life. She has a Stepfather who adores her, more grandfathers than anyone I know, and even a great-grandfather who is still alive and well at 90 years old.
To all of my Dads and my beloved husband, who still can’t get used to the fact that he gets a Day of Honour, Happy Father’s Day, with all my love. May we all get through this day recognizing the blessings in our lives and thriving on the love in our hearts.
